


Apparently

by 4racha



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Friendship, Friendship Is The Best Ship, M/M, Music, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 14:44:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16767205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4racha/pseuds/4racha
Summary: Chan doesn't believe in himself. Changbin and Jisung do.





	Apparently

**Author's Note:**

> I revamped this from my Bangtan rendition of this for Stray Kids because I thought it was more fitting. Anywho, can you tell how much I love 3racha?
> 
> This was heavily influenced by J.Cole's song "Apparently."

Bang Chan wants his dreams to save him.

He sits at his desk and grumbles to himself as he's scrolling with his pointer and middle while blankly gazing at the screen in front of him. It's five ‘til noon. He sighs before he jots notes down on the right-side of his laptop before he returns back to scrolling.

Chan stands up and grabs his plate filled with crumbs and his practically empty mug before heading to the kitchen. He doesn't bother turning on the light as he turns the faucet on to wash the dishes. His phone vibrates and he puts in on speaker when he sees the caller ID.

“You heading back for your lunch break?” Chan asked. He tilted the faucet handle downward to decrease the water flow in order to hear Changbin better.

“Yeah, I'm just waiting for Jisung to meet me at the bus stop before we head home,” Changbin hummed. He had his other hand shoved in his back pocket as he looked around for Jisung. They were a bit early before the lunch rush arrived in the city so they wanted to take full advantage of it. “You pick where you wanna eat yet?”

“No,” Chan said over the sound of the water coming down onto the dishes as he scrubbed them. “You know me, I eat anything. You guys can pick.”

Changbin looked around for Jisung in his surroundings before checking the watch on his left wrist. “Alright, Jisung and I will talk about it on the bus.” There was a rush of silence as Changbin only heard the sound of the faucet. “Did you submit your things?” Chan didn't answer as he turned off the faucet and wipes his hands with the kitchen towel hanging from the oven. Changbin knew what that meant and sighed to himself. He didn't want to pressure Chan nor did he want to see Chan miss an opportunity. “Have you been working on it at least?”

“Yeah…” Chan timidly answered. He walked to his room to get changed and sighed at how the pile of clothes on his floor grew compared to last time he looked at it. He placed his phone on the bed as he knelt down to smell which clothes were ‘clean.’ “I still don't know if it's a good idea, Bin.”

Changbin waved to Jisung who was rushing over as they both saw the bus turn the corner. “Well, I do. We'll talk about it later when we get home to pick you up, okay?”

“Okay.” Chan nodded to himself before they hung up.

Jisung and Changbin managed to find seats on the bus and sighed as they sat back in their chairs. “Want to try that new cafe?” Jisung asked. “It's a subway stop down from where we live.”

Changbin nodded. “That sounds good. He likes cafes.”

“Is he doing okay? He was asleep when I left for work so I couldn't talk to him. But he was staying up all night at his laptop. I heard beats so I was assuming he was working.”

“Oh, he was snoring when I left too. He told me he was working on that project so it's good to know he actually is.”

Jisung looked down at his hands on his lap and twiddled his thumbs. “He opened the bills last night.” Changbin blinked as Jisung nodded. “I think he got the mail last night while we were asleep. I saw the envelopes opened on the counter after I came back from my morning run.”

“I told him not to,” Changbin sighs. “It just makes him feel more guilty.”

“M-maybe he's using it as motivation? To submit his work?” Changbin gave a look and Jisung sighed. “Yeah, yeah I know. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. But we're doing fine. Dual income seems to be good enough for us.”

“It's definitely enough for us. We both have decent-paying jobs and we both like them...but you know how Hyung is. He doesn't like free rides. I think he's gonna try to pay for lunch this time too.”

Jisung turned away from the window and pouted at Changbin. “Should we let him? I don’t know how much money he has left in his account. I think he changed it from last time when we tried to look into it.”

Changbin pulled on the wire and stood up when he saw the apartment straight ahead. He shrugged. “Maybe we should?” The bus came to a halt as Jisung stood up as well. “I’m not sure…”

“When was the last time he paid for anything?” Jisung asked as he followed Changbin out the bus after they scanned their cards and thanked the driver. They watched the bus leave before slowly approaching their apartment by foot. “It's been a while… we probably should. I think he’d appreciate it.”

They were both surprised to see Chan leaning against the pillar at the entrance waiting for them. They made sure their conversation died down before they approached their friend. Chan smiled gently as he hugged both of them before they headed for the subway station.

“Let me pay,” Chan offered. He stood between the two as Changbin and Jisung subtly nodded at each other and accepted Chan’s statement. Walking down the stairs, Jisung noticed how unusually quiet Chan was. By now, he would be updating them on news he read online or something that he heard his mother say when on the phone with her (he calls her almost everyday). No words escaped Chan’s mouth though.

They all scanned their cards and went through the gates. Still, not a word escaped Chan’s mouth. Changbin looked at Jisung worried. “Hey, Hyung,” Jisung interrupted the silence. Chan turned to Jisung who was grinning. “H-how was your day so far?”

Chan shrugged. “Same as usual. Mom’s a bit busy with a project right now. She said to call after lunch.” The conversation ended abruptly just like that. This was definitely new to Changbin and Jisung. Maybe something happened between the time they left the house up ‘til now that made Chan act this way. They walked down the stairs and waited for the train to arrive. Changbin and Jisung were behind Chan, observing him. Unlike their usual lunch date journeys as roommates, Chan didn’t bother to turn around and talk to them. In fact, it was as if they weren’t a party of three at all.

Neither Changbin nor Jisung bothered to start a conversation again, knowing that Chan would quickly shut it down. The second the train stopped in front of them, they all entered in a line. Silence was still surrounding them despite the murmurs of the subway atmosphere filled by other bystanders. They all sat together in a row. Chan was sitting at the edge of the row with his eyes glued to his phone. He was scrolling in his own world as Changbin nudged Jisung. “I'm worried,” he whispered.

“Me too.” They looked over at Chan who seemed to be in his own world and Jisung sighed.

Chan didn’t realize how quiet he was on the train ride. His eyes were distracted by the words on his screen. He was trying to decipher the lyrics intricately and deliberately in order to fully grasp what the artist was conveying. It was, after all, his dream to do the same thing: to create a medium that people enjoyed listening to or felt challenged and motivated to interpret what he had made.

It wasn’t a new world to him. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Nothing stopped Chan from chasing his dreams of becoming a musician. Ever since he was a child, the occupation had rested in his mind with the start of learning a musical instrument. From then on, it was smooth sailing as he attended a musical academy until he had to attend university.

It was there, however, where the dream slowly started to drift from him. He knew his support base wanted him to go in a different direction. Contrary to his dream intention, he shifted away. As he met Jisung and Changbin along the way, Chan figured it wasn’t that bad.

He met Jisung in his Communications courses. Chan was amazed at Jisung’s ability to speak another language with such fluency. Jisung was also able to grasp difficult and enigmatic concepts and ideas, which intrigued Chan all the more. (In fact, it was a strong reason why his conversations with Jisung have led to some of the most profound works Chan has made.)

Changbin found Chan in their shared gen ed science class requirement, something they both dreaded. They quickly found to be comfortable around each other and became friends. Chan was surprised but grateful that Jisung and Changbin already knew each other as well. The three quickly became an unbreakable trio, all the way up until they graduated.

Unlike his ideal plan to graduate as a musician, Chan graduated with a Communications degree, like Jisung, and a minor in business, like Changbin. The next step was for the three of them to move into the heart of Seoul, Sinchon to be exact. It was there they shared an apartment and quickly found jobs to pay for the bills. Jisung worked as a Teaching Assistant at a local university as Changbin worked as a staff auditor at a nearby company. They both quickly moved up on the system. Jisung gained full teaching experience with his own classroom at a local primary school and Changbin promoted up the ranks to senior auditor.

Chan, however, found no occupation to be fulfilling. He’s tried multiple jobs in the area. Even with the help of a good word from his friends, he didn’t seem to enjoy anything. Chan knew exactly why though. His heart didn’t match his degree.

The train stopped and the three of them got up, walking out and up the stairs. Chan shook the flashbacks out of his head and kept to himself, pulling out his phone again as he scrolled through the lyrics.

Changbin was walking with Chan and decided to nudge him. Chan turned and look at Changbin who was grinning. “What are you doing?”

“Research I suppose,” Chan replied. He tilted his phone for the other to see. Chan didn’t realize it, but Changbin was smiling proudly, seeing that his friend was being productive today. Following behind, Jisung looked over Chan’s shoulder and grinned to himself as well. They were always happy with moments like these.

Entering the cafe, Chan smiled to himself, something that isn’t mundane. Ever since his unemployment days started almost two years ago, he increasingly began to value these sort of moments when he was able to spend time with Jisung and Changbin during the middle of their weekdays. He followed Changbin to the table by the window wall as he looked around, hands in his jacket’s pockets. The cafe wasn’t that full since it opened just last week, but Chan nodded at how the atmosphere made him feel at ease.

Jisung was ordering the food for the three of them, already knowing their usual orders. He looked back and sighed as he looked over at Chan. “He even seems more tired than usual,” he whispered to himself. He quickly turned back and placed in his order to the cashier before hesitantly handing over the money Chan had given him before he walked up to the counter. The cashier gave it a tug before Jisung released it with guilt.

“It's supposed to rain in a few hours,” Changbin observed by their window seat, trying to make small talk with Chan. “Jisung and I are going to grab our umbrellas before we head back to work.”

Chan nodded as he was looking outside as well. “Alright, I'll just open the door and head back to my desk when you two leave.” Changbin nodded as well. Their conversation seemed to have ended until Chan looked over. “How's… work?”

Changbin was taken aback and tried to turn to Chan with a calm expression despite how surprised he is. He coughed and straightened himself up, folding his hands together on the table as if he were at a job interview. “Y-y’know… the usual. It's almost tax season so my department is stressing out a bit more than usual,” he chuckled.

Chan hummed to himself as he looked back outside, noticing how the skies are turning grey as predicted by the forecast. “Are there any job openings?”

“Hyung?” Changbin blinked. He shook out of it and rubbed the back of his neck, flustered at the question. “I can ask my manager if we have entry-level jobs available if you want.” He smiled when Chan grinned at him and quickly stood up to help Jisung with the tray orders.

Jisung handed the tray with the sandwiches and utensils to Changbin. “How is he? He was talking to you about something?”

Changbin nodded as he accompanied Jisung to walk over and grab napkins and condiments. “He asked me if there were any job openings at my company.”

“Whoa,” Jisung gasped as his eyes widened at his friend who was nodding in agreement. “Why do you think Hyung asked?”

“No clue, but I don't want to question it.” They both looked at how Chan was leaning back in his seat waiting for his friends while tapping a beat on the table with his pointers, still looking outside. “I hope this will help him somehow.”

“Me too.”

Chan looked out the window while lying down on the mattress with a big sigh. The laptop that sat next to him indicated it was two past three in the morning already. The apartment was dead silent, the only sounds were those mellow beats that continuously played on loop on the file Chan was working on. With his door closed, they wouldn't disturb his two friends he presumed were already knocked out.

Slowly, Chan sits up at the vibration of his phone. He grabs it and hisses how undeniably and blindingly bright his screen is before he dims it and sees a text.

**_Felix:_ ** _You awake, Hyung?_

A smile creeps on his face as he quickly dials Felix’s number. He snickers when he hears the loud background from the receiver. “You seem wide awake,” Chan softly spoke.

“Hyunjin and I are pulling an all-nighter,” Felix groaned to himself as he slouches and slides down in his computer chair. “He's brewing more coffee for us in the kitchen.”

“Exam tomorrow?”

“More like hell on earth. We don't even get to use a cheat sheet!” With a loud sigh, Felix tried to calm down. “At least we won't be the only ones there suffering.”

“Yeah,” Chan hummed, “this is also why I never chose or wanted to be an engineering major.” He smiled when he heard Hyunjin come back with the coffee as Felix thanked him. “You two have been alright, right?”

Felix blew on his cup before grimacing when realizing it still needed to cool down. He set it down on the coaster near his laptop and stretched. “More or less, I suppose. We're honestly just ready to graduate at this point. Maybe we'll move near you guys afterwards too.” Chan smiled at the idea before Felix cleared his throat. “How have you been… with… your plans…”

Chan’s expression of content faded away at the sound of those words. He turned back to his laptop, moving the mouse to keep the screen from turning black and saw just how little he had accomplished. “There… is some progress.”

“That's good, Hyung,” Felix smiled. He saw how busy Hyunjin was with his headphones blocking out distractions as he was writing; Felix scratched on the idea of handing the phone over to him. “Have you decided where to send it when you're done?”

Chan pouted and ruffled his hair. “N-no… I'm not even sure if I'm going to…” He knew Felix wanted to speak more but Chan couldn't risk anything. Faking a cough, he cleared his throat. “Hey, it's getting kind of late… why don't I just leave you to your studies?”

Felix pouted but agreed. They hung up and Chan sighed in relief, lying back down on his bed with the beats from his phone gradually fill the air once more. He read the screen that it was almost four in the morning. It was probably a correct conclusion that Chan would have a sleepless night. Yet again.

He slowly sat up and rolled his head before rolling his shoulders and standing up, carrying the plate of crumbs and empty mug with him to the kitchen. Chan was light on his feet, considering his friends were still sleeping into the night. He didn't mind the silence though. Nor the darkness.

It was all too familiar to him. He gently placed the ceramics into the sink on top of the couple matching ones already there from Changbin and Jisung. It would be rude to wake them up with the sound of the faucet. Despite his desire to clean it so that Changbin didn't have to after his morning run in a few hours, Chan settled for walking towards the small table by the window. The moonlight hit the scene perfectly, as if Chan was meant to sit there at this exact moment.

He sat down and leaned back with a slouch, his right arm slung over the back of the chair. Chan saw how there were still a few cars driving, but he was comforted with the fact he wasn't completely alone into the ungodly night hours. The moon and sky caught his attention again. It seemed brighter than usual, but, then again, it was the only source of light. Chan pondered at that thought and asked himself if he meant that metaphorically or literally. It was probably a mixture of both.

He hummed to himself faintly. The tune was an old one he created in a similar situation as this: late at night and no one except the moon keeping him company. Chan stopped himself from humming the song in its entirety. He doesn't want to bring himself back into the past. Not now.

Chan stood up, chair scooting back a bit as the back of his thighs hit it, when the light in the room flicked on. He saw Jisung standing there, rubbing his eye sleepily. “Hyung? What are you doing up?” He yawned.

Calming down from his initial reaction, Chan sat down, back to his original position. “Nothing. Just thinking.”

Jisung hummed and took the chair across from Chan at the table, sitting down in it while nodding. “Hyung, you think too much. Sometimes I think you think so much when in reality you have no thoughts at all.” As his eyes adjusted to the setting, Jisung looked up directly at Chan who was still gazing outside, a polite gesture to tell Jisung to head back to bed. “You know I'm not leaving until you tell me something.”

“Did you know that the only reason why we don't have more solar eclipses--when the moon blocks the sun-- during a new moon phase is because of the angles not lining up for it to happen?” Chan asked.

Jisung snickered. “I did not know that.”

Chan nodded. “Well, I told you something. You can leave now.” He turned his head back to the window but he noticed how Jisung was still sitting across from him. He expected this. “What do you want me to say?”

“You know what we want, Hyung,” Changbin chimed in. The two looked over at him as he brought over an extra chair and sat down in it, adjacent to Chan. Changbin fixed his bed hair as he was slowly trying to adjust his eyes to the lighting. “You know we worry.”

“I think you guys should stop worrying,” Chan pouted. “There's no point in worrying.”

“There is,” Jisung coughed into his elbow before clearing his throat as he adjusted himself on his chair, pulling one foot up and resting it on the seat, tucking his leg to his chest. “We worry about you, Hyung. We want to help you.”

It was silent as the two watched their eldest friend tilt his head down with his hands on his lap, gripping the sweats he was wearing. Despite the lack of words being exchanged, there was no tension in the room. They all knew this conversation was needed and long overdue. “I just…” Chan sighed, “I want to do this, but I don't know…”

“Hyung,” Changbin reached over and put his hand on Chan’s shoulder. “This is your dream, right? You want to do this?”

“More than anything. I just don't know if I… should…”

Jisung furrowed his eyebrows. “Hyung, how can your dreams save you when you don't believe in them?” Chan stayed quiet after he looked at Jisung for a good few seconds before looking out the window. Jisung and Changbin shared a look, a concerned one.

They might have gone too far with that, but they knew he needed to hear it. They had to be honest with him and even if it seemed harsh, it was done with love. Jisung was the first to stand up as Changbin followed as they were to go back to their rooms.

“I got played,” Chan sighed loudly. Changbin turned around and blinked. Jisung turned his head. They stood in their place as Chan looked back at them. “I already sent songs to companies. They said they'd pay me. I never got paid. They played me.”

“Hyung,” they both mumbled as they rushed over to give Chan a hug. Despite rarely showing physical affection to each other, they knew Chan appreciated it. Changbin pulled back first and sniffled. Jisung and Chan grinning at how in touch their friend was with his feelings.

“Is there anyway we can sue the company?” Jisung asked.

Chan shook his head. “It's us against a huge company, I highly doubt we'll win.” He leaned back in his chair. “They didn't get my best work anyway. I haven't sent anything out within the past year. I've gotten better… or I would like to believe I did.”

“I think you have,” Changbin agreed as he came back with a box of tissues as he blew his nose into one. “You've always been in tune with improving and discovering.” Jisung snickered and rubbed Changbin’s back and nodded in agreement to that statement.

“Have you found any other companies?” Jisung asked.

Chan shrugged. “I've been looking. I'm just… scared. It really messes with your head once someone just steals your work like that.”

“We'll be with you every step of the way,” Changbin stated as he stopped sniffling and tearing up. “We'll even sacrifice our jobs if we need to.”

Chan looked at them surprised. He's never considered anything so extreme that it would affect their jobs. “You guys don't need to do that…”

“Hyung, if it comes to that, we'll help you.” Jisung nodded. “Money and all of this-- it's temporary. But you'll always be our hyung.” Chan looked over at the two who gave him a genuine smile, almost making himself tear up at this moment.

Chan believed his dreams could save him. He thought that maybe when he makes it big, he could finally help pay for the apartment. He'd stop free-loading off of his friends who kept paying for everything and would be able to contribute just as much, maybe even more. He could treat them out for lunch during the weekdays to new restaurants with a high-end menu on the weekends.

He never believed them, those that gave him every opportunity to step closer to his dreams. Even though he was well-trained in equipment and experience, he could be used. (He has been used.) His works could be stolen, or worse, could stop being his works altogether. Chan loved what he did but he couldn't live with the fact that he would possibly never get credit for it, he couldn't live off of his passion.

He never believed in himself. Chan saw himself lose his passion along the way with how many trials and tribulations came upon him. He saw how he was losing himself when it came to music, when it came to money, when it came to living in general.

But Jisung and Changbin believed in him. They didn't mind paying for everything because they knew Chan was doing his best. They didn't mind waiting because they knew eventually, Chan would find himself again. They didn't mind anything because Jisung and Changbin knew that one day Chan will finally make it. They've always believed in him.

_Apparently  
_ _you believe in me._


End file.
